


In The Night

by hollowfirefly



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: M/M, high school stuff, just dotae dribble
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:14:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27890593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hollowfirefly/pseuds/hollowfirefly
Summary: Sometimes in the night the windows creaked and sometimes Doyoung was terrified of the noises.But sometimes he wasn’t alone in bed and the noises felt less like calls of loneliness and more like distant problems that could be solved in a moment’s notice.So Doyoung took those noises in strides, sometimes used them as excuses to call his Taeyong over to his house, to his bed. When he was younger he would’ve been too ashamed to tell someone that he was afraid of something, but now it felt like a habit- the fear- and he was addicted to its rewards.
Relationships: Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Lee Taeyong
Kudos: 30





	In The Night

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this a long long time ago and also it has never been read or proofread by anyone so... Just felt like it was time to finally let it's tiny 2000 word self see the light. 
> 
> Enjoy if you like short, poetic things that don't make any sense.

Sometimes in the night the windows creaked and sometimes Doyoung was terrified of the noises.

But sometimes he wasn’t alone in bed and the noises felt less like calls of loneliness and more like distant problems that could be solved in a moment’s notice.

So Doyoung took those noises in strides, sometimes used them as excuses to call his Taeyong over to his house, to his bed. When he was younger he would’ve been too ashamed to tell someone that he was afraid of something, but now it felt like a habit- the fear- and he was addicted to its rewards.

Taeyong managed to kiss Doyoung when he was 15, backstage, behind the school auditorium’s curtain. He had felt his knees go weak at the noises Doyoung made when Taeyong pinned him against the brick column directly behind center stage. Taeyong knew Doyoung could never shut up, but now he really didn’t want him to.

Taeyong had been in love with him since he was eight years old, always ahead of his time in mental capacity, and wishing for someone to tell him why he felt so drawn to someone so like him, yet so effortlessly unlike him. Taeyong envied the way Doyoung could speak without having any trouble standing in front of others, envied the way his school projects always had an added element of creativity, envied the friends he had while growing up. Taeyong had his best friend Ten and a few stragglers who ended up being sent to correctional facilities at 11, but no one else. Did Doyoung even know his name?

Taeyong remembered the first time Doyoung had acknowledged him. He was at car rider in fifth grade, waiting for Ten’s mom to pick him up when Doyoung had walked up to him and asked him (by name) if he could hand the other’s water bottle to him because he’d left it next to him against the wall. Taeyong blushed and couldn’t move once Doyoung had said his name, but Doyoung pointed at it to try and help Taeyong find it and Taeyong stumbled to hand it to the younger boy. “Thanks, Taeyong!” He’d said and ran off.

And Taeyong was completely gone.

Doyoung can remember the first time Taeyong had held his hand. They were lying in bed, another night of Doyoung feeling lonely and lost, and Taeyong had grabbed his hand- a tight squeeze to remind him that he was alive, and Doyoung had wanted to pin the older man down and take him there; all because Taeyong had held his hand. Doyoung kissed the angels in his sleep when he was with Taeyong, fought the demons in sleep when he was alone, wished Taeyong could always be there to help him ascend to Heaven rather than fall to Hell. He believed that Taeyong was poetry in his essence, and that he himself was a shredder ready to rip apart anything good or bad. He was a tornado, and Taeyong was the calm. Why could he never be as powerful as Taeyong? As real? He envied Taeyong’s content in being who he was, envied the way Taeyong could walk through a hall and not notice the snickers and snide, envied Taeyong’s confidence, envied Taeyong’s lack of fear.

What Doyoung didn’t realize was just how afraid Taeyong was. Taeyong was absolutely terrified of Doyoung leaving, of Doyoung realizing that he was better off without Taeyong, of Doyoung looking at him and feeling everything but love, of Doyoung knowing the truth which was that Taeyong was a fraud and was so immensely afraid of everything.

Doyoung wished he would have been the first one to fall in love so that Taeyong could feel the rush of excitement of someone wanting you, needing you. Doyoung wished he would’ve been able to kiss Taeyong first after Taeyong had performed a dance number with Ten. Rather, Taeyong found Doyoung after Doyoung’s first showcase as a singer and kissed him with the intense fervor of all the years Taeyong had wanted him.

Doyoung remembered when he was fifteen and first realized he was in love with Taeyong. The rush of looking at someone and realizing that their smile has something laced with kindness, despite all the rumors that Taeyong was crazy and had killed someone with an ice pick. Doyoung remembered making eye contact with him and smiling, hoping that Taeyong liked it (Taeyong turned away with a blush brighter than the red that lined the walls of the cafeteria).

After they’d started dating, Doyoung began calling Taeyong every other night for the noises in the walls and Taeyong never questioned him. Doyoung could tell Taeyong was never wondering if Doyoung was going mad or using the noises as an excuse to have Taeyong lay with him (even though sometimes that’s what it was).

Doyoung was pretty sure that Taeyong was really in love with him.

Taeyong really hoped Doyoung was in love with him like he was with Doyoung.

He kissed the knuckles on Doyoung’s hands and bit the younger’s shoulder to feel closer to him. Taeyong would ask Doyoung to sing to him and Doyoung would ask Taeyong to tell him stories that he made up himself. Doyoung would tell him that he should be a writer and Taeyong would laugh at that. Taeyong couldn’t imagine himself opening up to write something personal enough to be good.

And now they were here, sitting in the dark, sitting in the silence, drinking each other in.

“Do you want to go to a party with me?” Doyoung quietly asked Taeyong rubbing his thumb across Taeyong’s knuckles and callouses. Taeyong hesitated and Doyoung felt him tense just slightly underneath him.

“Who will be there?” Taeyong inquired and Doyoung hummed. “Probably a bunch of people. I know Senate is going but I think the dance team is too. I wasn’t sure if you’d heard about it but wanted to know if you are going if you’ll go with me.” Doyoung blushed, which couldn’t be seen in the dark but Taeyong could feel when he placed his hand on Doyoung’s cheek. “You’re sweet Doyoung.” Taeyong said.

“So…” Doyoung waited for Taeyong to say yes or not, except Taeyong wasn’t even sure himself. He was afraid of going because he never did well at parties because he always felt alone and then ended up drinking too much and making a fool of himself. But this time he had Doyoung, so it may be different, and Doyoung would be there for him if anything happened. At least he hoped.

“Okay.” Taeyong said and kissed Doyoung, hard, with a passion that shivered between the two of them.

Taeyong knew the kinds of people that showed up to these kinds of parties and he was terrified. He was terrified days beforehand, he was terrified the day before, and he was most certainly terrified the day of.

There was a sense of dread that enveloped Taeyong as he and Doyoung entered the house. There were people outside wreaking havoc which only gave a small taste to the absolute chaos inside the walls. People were stripping, drinking beer off other people’s stomachs, stuffing their faces full of food and full of smoke. Taeyong thought he was going to throw up straight from the uncleanliness and also from the pure idiocy surrounding him.

But Doyoung wanted him there, so he smiled anyway.

Did Doyoung even notice Taeyong was uncomfortable? There was a part of Taeyong that hoped he did but another part that would immediately feel bad if he thought Doyoung even could tell just a little bit.

“Oh, there’s Jaehyun. Come on.” Taeyong bit his lip, having known Jaehyun his entire life. He remembered when Jaehyun would come over to Ten’s house when they were in middle school. He remembers the comments Jaehyun would make to Ten about how he was “worried Ten would end up like the crazy kid Taeyong” as if Taeyong wasn’t in the next room. Taeyong liked Jaehyun and knew he was a good person, but things like that always stick.

“Hey Jaehyun, this is my boyfriend Taeyong.” Doyoung smiled at Taeyong (genuinely excited to show him off, Taeyong thought) and Taeyong wasn’t sure whether to say they’d already met and had known each other for years or pretend they’d never seen each other before.

“Oh, I know Taeyong we were friends in middle school because of Ten.” Jaehyun replied with a smile on his face.

Friends. Right.

“I’m going to uh… look at the food…” Taeyong mumbled just audible enough for at least Doyoung to hear while Jaehyun and him discussed something Taeyong could care less about, before slipping away quietly towards the food table which looked as if it held more alcohol than table and food. He managed to snag one of those tiny sandwiches and found a seat in a corner near an outlet where he plugged his laptop in and began working on one of his raps he’d had open for a month.

Doyoung barely heard Taeyong’s whisper and only registered it after Jaehyun had finished explaining why the soccer team for the rival school was doing poorly. Doyoung figured that’s where Taeyong was then and managed to find his way over to his friend Jungwoo’s table where he was offered a good amount of vodka and someone was passing a toke which he refused. There was an open discussion about who in Senate had fucked the most chorus girls and Jungwoo took Doyoung’s hand at one point in support of no one knowing his sexuality. Doyoung shouldn’t have let Jungwoo hold his hand, but he did, for support.

Taeyong left a note on his laptop that read “I haven’t loved you for 7 years, I’ve loved your soul for 7 years.”

Doyoung found Taeyong near the couch, plugged into his laptop, with his headphones on. Doyoung could tell he was working on his most recent song and Doyoung thought he loved him more than ever then. Not because he was hiding away, but because he was being more himself than ever. And Doyoung loved Taeyong.

But this was after Jungwoo had tried to kiss him and after Doyoung had made a break for the door and after Doyoung had realized he needed to find Taeyong and after he’d apologized to Taeyong 100 times in his head.

Doyoung feared Taeyong leaving him because he was a massive fuck up. Because he wasn’t good enough for someone that comfortable in himself.

“Taeyong? Baby?” Doyoung took Taeyong’s hand as Taeyong pulled his headphones off and smiled at Doyoung. But not a real smile. Doyoung’s heart was breaking.

“Hey hey.” Taeyong replied and placed a hand on Doyoung’s cheek. Warmth radiated through Taeyong’s fingers and he felt home.

“Do you want to go home?” Doyoung almost pleaded and Taeyong nodded, packing his laptop up in a split second. They headed out in silence, saying goodbye to no one. Taeyong wondered if something had happened but knew Doyoung would tell him in time. Maybe he should ask, maybe he shouldn’t, but Taeyong and him were built on half truths and he was okay with that.

Sometimes in the night Doyoung felt himself aching for Taeyong, the way fishes ache for water. Doyoung used to roll over and find nothing, sometimes he’d have to call Taeyong over with an excuse. Most days, these days, Doyoung only needed to roll over to find Taeyong there.

Taeyong knew one day Doyoung would grow up, find warmth in himself, and no longer need Taeyong. He felt that Doyoung would only ever love him for the touch and the attention, but Taeyong had loved that man’s soul since he was eight years old, so for now he was okay with it. Taeyong held onto the hope that maybe one day Doyoung would not just love Taeyong but love Taeyong’s soul and that it would be okay.

Doyoung kissed Taeyong’s temple, soft and his. He apologized for the stolen kiss (in his head) and whispered, “You will always be my one and only Taeyong.”

And Doyoung was completely gone.


End file.
